Dear Margaret,
These are very familiar emotions and states of mind that come immediately after receiving the diagnosis. From my experience on this journey—it feels like the ground disappears beneath your feet. But it’s crucial not to let emotions interfere with taking immediate action. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 PDAC in April 2024, at age 56.
Ideally, start treatment/consultations
or seek a second opinion at an NCI-designated Comprehensive Cancer Center. Even better, narrow your search further by focusing on the NPF Centers of Excellence, which specialize in pancreatic cancer. If a biopsy is possible, proceed with NGS testing to identify genetic mutations that could guide treatment decisions or open up options for targeted therapies and clinical trials.
Find "your" medical oncologist—someone you feel confident with when discussing the treatment plan, someone who will monitor the treatment process and who you can ask any questions to and receive not only professional opinions/recommendations but also feel personal attention and support during this challenging journey.
Read scientific publications, Mayo Clinic’s blog, the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network, etc. Try not to fixate on statistical projections—this disease is unpredictable, and every case is different. What matters now is your husband’s will, strength, and mindset to follow medical recommendations and not give up—for the sake of your family, no matter how hard the reality and treatment may be.
And your support and inner strength will be essential—always. As a caregiver, you’ll often feel that you’re not doing enough, doing something wrong, don’t know what to do, or are powerless to help—this becomes the new "normal." The world around your family has changed—and this happens to all of us: a new routine, rules, schedule, and physical condition. You’ll need to adapt, make changes to be able to care for your husband and also give attention to your daughters (children are very vulnerable at this time; it’s a traumatic experience, and both of you will need to find the strength and the words to support them).
Hang in there! Here are the links to the resources I mentioned:
https://www.cancer.gov/research/infrastructure/cancer-centers
https://pancreasfoundation.org/patient-resources/npf-centers-of-excellence/
https://pancan.org/facing-pancreatic-cancer/