@trainwreck808 I was married to a man whose story is very similar to yours.

He also is an award winning musician, composer, arranger with a Summa Cum Laude Masters Degree in Music Composition. Yet he feels like he “walks under a black cloud” his words not mine.
He is a “poor me” kind of guy. He never got a break, his life is in the toilet, people don’t talk to me and I don’t know why….and on it goes.

I’ve known him for 60 years, yes we are that ancient, and he is one of my best friends. I have no problem telling him to stop making everything about HIM.
He revolves around himself, and then doesn’t understand why people avoid him. He truly has no clue what he does to other people when they try to interact with him. He does not listen to understand. He barely listens at all because he can’t stop talking about himself.

This wonderful man is now married to another very talented musician. They make a great couple especially when he composes a choral piece, and she sings the solo. But, he said to me “see what I have to put up with” when he opened the silverware draw, and every piece was neatly “spooned” together.
Put up with what! It’s all about him every time.

We all have our own defects of character, however most of us don’t know where they lie. I suspect if we did, we might try to remove them.

I’m writing this just to air out my feelings. My greatest strength comes from knowing that I’m not in charge of anything and remembering to take my hands off the “steering wheel”. There is a powerful lesson in that. When I feel like I keep running into a wall I stop striving, and wait. The small voice of God leads me where I need to be, and it’s always right.

Wishing you the best.