Connect
← Return to My Anger is overwhelming
Discussion
Comment receiving replies
I’m curious as to why we push our family and friends away, I did the same thing over the past few years after getting cancer, it was not possible to see them with covid in full force but as time passed I realized it was what I wanted. I don’t know if this happened to anyone else, I sometimes felt envy when I heard how much support some people have, I never had this with my family. I started having nightmares about trauma I suffered at the hands of an older brother, this was the start of my isolation, it took getting cancer for me to realize I didn’t have a very good family life, it’s like my mind is only focused on those who hurt me over the years. I did have some therapy sessions but it merely skimmed the surface of my pain. Sadly the only thing that came out of this unhappiness is that I am losing my fear of death, I do fear how I will die but I’m not afraid to say goodbye to those I called my family and friends.
Replies to "I’m curious as to why we push our family and friends away, I did the same..."
I have empathy for you. I was diagnosed September 2023. I have some siblings who have never acknowledged my situation, not one word nor card not even a text. I was hospitalized twice in 2023, nothing. I probably sound bitter. Fortunately I have two siblings who are wonderfully supportive as are my immediate family and two cousins. Bless you on this journey.
I have been working very hard at getting past anger. A friend i met here in this forum sent me an article about chemo brain and anger. Have that information seemed to be helpful also. Today I'm in such a different place than I was when I wrote this piece. I actually doing very well at the mment.
Denise
Connect
"it took getting cancer for me to realize I didn’t have a very good family life, it’s like my mind is only focused on those who hurt me over the years."
I wouldn't be surprised to learn that many people with cancer feel the way you do. There's something very real about cancer and our culture of denial finally crumbles in the face of it: many of us are not prepared for such an unvarnished experience. Your observation about your mind really struck me as well: I wonder if having cancer opens our minds and bodies up to what they've wanted to tell us for so long? Almost as if these memories see an opening to talk to us and they grab it, full force. Maybe that's why it feels so powerful and overwhelming.
I wish you more healing and hope that you can find a therapist who can join you in going deeper than the "surface" of your pain. Glad to be in this with you and the rest of us here in this brutal cancer "club."