I’m very sorry for your loss, it’s truly awful and sad to say the least, it’s also a very personal pain so you try to process what happened and try to heal so you can move forward, I realize it sounds so simple but anyone who has loved and lost someone they felt deeply about would understand what you’re going through. Of course I’m sure you know that there is lots of good help if you need it, coming here is a good beginning to your journey, best wishes.