I am still trying to understand what requests or needs HappyKC was bringing forth in opening of this topic.
Some vagueness or flexibility may be very appropriate in a request for conversation, so this is not a criticism.

I can try to move this forward by just sharing some of my need for human relationship as best I can express it.
My life history includes many yearnings which I often could not express clearly, some moments of wondrous connection, and many moments of "pretty darned good."

Life involves limits, sufferings and frustrations.
In general it seems to me best to try to address these without causing further distress for others.
Considerable difficulty can occur when my coping mechanisms and another person's coping mechanisms are incompatible.
I don't maintain any "softening beliefs." I did not exist before 1949, and similarly I won't exist after my death. Any reference to "after my death" will only exist for other people who remember me. "I" won't be around to remember "me."
It behooves me to experience and enjoy life (including "me") while I can. These experiences are ultimately limited, though I don't know exactly when that limit will occur.

One of my best enjoyments is enjoying other people with whom I can share honestly about our experiences and conundrums. I am deeply grateful for these people, some of whom are very young, some very old. (Each year it gets harder to find people who are older than me!)

Perhaps one of the hardest things for me has been to learn how much to say and when to accept that we've reached the limit of sharing, and to move on graciously and honestly when that limit has been reached. It is a sad moment for me when I realize that I cannot always share things I find wonderful with people I love. Post 75 years, I'm still learning about that!

HappyKC, I hope this will be in some way a response to your request.

Ed