Hi @maryvc, Happy Birthday! I hope things get easier for you, but you know, you are a wonderful person doing a great job.
If my husband has an appointment, he fixates on it, and incessantly asks me when it is.
If I tell him he has to shower at a certain time, and I wind up being a little late to help him, he gets angry with me. I either have to stick to the time I told him or not give him so much notice.
I find it easier to have him shower and shave the day before his apppointments. Then, no anxiety and added pressure to get it done. Maybe that would work for you and your husband.
Yesterday, he had to get blood drawn. Beforehand, he displayed some anger, pushed me and scoffed when I told him not to touch my arm because I need a shoulder replacement.
I backed down from tidying him up, and we went. The lab technician was so jolly with him, joking, etc. that it wound up being a great experience for him. He was shocked when I told him later that he pushed me, apologized. He told me how scared he was that he would bleed to death from the blood draw.
Like you, I wake up during the night when he goes to the bathroom. I use a weighted sleep mask now that helps me get back to sleep.
I attend an Alzheimer's Association Support group here. Some of the participants have installed a "Tile" tracker on their loved ones, combined with an app, Life 360, on their phones, to help locate them if they wander. I haven't done that yet, but I may have to.
I wish you the best.