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My frequent state of condition is EXHAUSTED so as you can see we all get it. My husband often wakes up several times a night to use the bathroom and then needs redirection to bed. If he has something the next day he is up at 3 or 4 wanting to take a shower or shave and gets belligerent when I say NO NOT NOW back to bed. A couple times he pushed me.
I also have to get up but go to the BR when he does. Then it’s 24/7 unless I get away. I do have a caregiver twice a week. Love those days. We both have therapists and I’m going on a girls trip for a few days.
My husband is 78 in June. I’m 73 tomorrow.
We are supposed to be moving in to a new independent living apt in Sept 2026 but he is getting worse and sadly I’m not sure he will be moving in there with me. He may need Memory Care before we ever get there. This is a CCRC so I will be 1/2 Mile away and part of the same complex.
This week he walked outside in the neighborhood without telling me and I couldn’t find him. I panic and get angry and sad.
A friend of mine’s husband is dying of pancreatic cancer now. She often feels we are in the same boat because in different ways we are losing our husbands. But her husband will be gone and mine will probably be gone in mind but not body for a long time.
I still love him and work to enjoy every moment we can but it is exhausting and also sad.
I’m going to start going to in person support groups and find some memory cafes for both of us.
We are going to celebrate my birthday at a nice restaurant tomorrow.
All I can say is I get on this connect everyday and have a couple pen pals from here.
It’s a blessing and bless you all.
Replies to "My frequent state of condition is EXHAUSTED so as you can see we all get it...."
Hi @maryvc, Happy Birthday! I hope things get easier for you, but you know, you are a wonderful person doing a great job.
If my husband has an appointment, he fixates on it, and incessantly asks me when it is.
If I tell him he has to shower at a certain time, and I wind up being a little late to help him, he gets angry with me. I either have to stick to the time I told him or not give him so much notice.
I find it easier to have him shower and shave the day before his apppointments. Then, no anxiety and added pressure to get it done. Maybe that would work for you and your husband.
Yesterday, he had to get blood drawn. Beforehand, he displayed some anger, pushed me and scoffed when I told him not to touch my arm because I need a shoulder replacement.
I backed down from tidying him up, and we went. The lab technician was so jolly with him, joking, etc. that it wound up being a great experience for him. He was shocked when I told him later that he pushed me, apologized. He told me how scared he was that he would bleed to death from the blood draw.
Like you, I wake up during the night when he goes to the bathroom. I use a weighted sleep mask now that helps me get back to sleep.
I attend an Alzheimer's Association Support group here. Some of the participants have installed a "Tile" tracker on their loved ones, combined with an app, Life 360, on their phones, to help locate them if they wander. I haven't done that yet, but I may have to.
I wish you the best.
Hello, Happy Birthday. Enjoy your special day.
My mom was in a CCRC and my recommendation to you would be to try for an apartment as close to the dining room and Memory Care as possible. That 1/2 mi seems like 10mi as you age. We actually had to move her closer after a long wait.
I would love to hear from you.It feels like we are on our island stranded and the many feelings that come with this. 🫂
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Happy BDay, Mary! Hope you enjoy the outing today.
You're doing so many of the right things... hiring caregivers, going to therapists, respite time with friends, getting away from the house and your LO for periods of time, the plan to move in a couple of months, soon joining a support group, your connections here, etc.
All the above will certainly help get you through the challenges of caregiving. You're so wise to have taken these steps. They'll all assist in keeping you healthy and strong so you can better handle upcoming events and emotions that will inevitably arise as your hubby progresses with his disease.
All the best!
/LarryG