I'm sorry to hear of your protracted struggle with cancer, which is difficult, and your struggle with discouragement, which is worse. I am at an earlier stage, involving only the bladder so far, and it began about a year ago when I was 69. The certainty of my mortality and the anxiety I feel for my family and loved ones seem to be ever present. The thought of having to leave the dance fills me with emense sadness. I suspect your are no stranger to these thoughts and feelings, and they are even more immediate and pressing due to the state of your illness and your comparatively young age. Please know that you are not alone. In the quiet, solitary hours when we feel it all weighing in, we are not alone.