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A wife's manual for her husband's prostate cancer support
Prostate Cancer | Last Active: Aug 10 2:36pm | Replies (48)Comment receiving replies
It sounds to me that your husband feels shame and failure at not being able ‘to be a man’.
Too many of us - especially the alphas among us - equate sexual prowess with virility, manliness and ‘self’.
It’s a tough nut to crack if he’s unreceptive to talking about it; but you mention an upcoming appointment so please speak up at that meeting and try to steer a course toward healing both his physical and emotional selves.
But be prepared for pushback. I myself stare daggers at my wife or do the old eye roll when she asks our doctor a really pertinent question about my treatment; I feel like a little kid with his Mommy asking the questions for him. But I am always glad afterward that she broached a particular subject since my pride would never allow me to ask for myself. Be strong,
Phil
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@heavyphil I agree with you that the loss of being able to have an erection makes men "feel shame and failure at not being able to" have an erection, the loss of that part of their being, and not being able to make love to your partner in the way your brain is wired. However, the ability to do those things does not make someone a "man".
I disagree with your statements about Alpha Men. The only men who think there is such a thing are men that refer to themselves that way. All people have their strengths and weaknesses in different situations, even men. Nor are only "alpha" men interested in sex or in sensual relationships, or feel the loss of those elements when forced to give them up. All men grow up with that particular sense of self, men are born with it. Losing that is a big change for all of us facing that side effect. For most people, the alpha male schtick is annoying and somewhat embarrassing to real men.
Thank for your post, this is an important discussion to bring up. We're all just people in a crappy situation. I wish you all the best in your cancer journey.