Wow, it’s a difficult situation. Her behavior sounds like it would be quite disruptive to the family.

Unfortunately, based on what I have encountered, it’s not easily remedied. My dad, who has dementia, has much of the behavior you describe, but he takes several medications that help. Seroquel is one that has proved to be particularly helpful with agitation. It helps with sleep too. It’s a med that is usually prescribed off label, but a small dose is common, based on my experiences with dementia patients. My cousin, who had dementia, took it too at night. But, if your mom refuses meds…..that might not be an option in the home. A facility may have more luck getting her to take them. I found trained staff in Memory Care knew how to approach issues without much resistance. Resistance to bathing is another biggie…if you haven’t encountered it yet, you probably will. My dad has that now. Then comes bathroom issues…..struggling with proper cleanup or other odd behavior there.

I’m not sure how old your dad is, but caregiving full time for a person with substantial dementia is a huge undertaking. It’s mentally and physically draining. There are some people who do it longterm , but it boggles the mind. To me, when the behavior is so disruptive, it’s imperative to get substantial outside care to come into the home or arrange placement in a facility. Has your dad mentioned any plans or interest in doing either?

The trouble is that the disruptive behavior has to be monitored, and there’s no real way to prevent or curtail it. You can be supportive, kind and attentive, but at some point, the person with dementia can’t continue to run the show. The challenge is then managing their care….which may mean staying up all night, putting alarms on doors, child proofing the house, etc. My cousin who was a huge homebody who I never thought would wander, wheeled herself out into the parking lot of her assisted living facility and tried to get into cars with strangers! Totally out of character. So, I learned to expect anything. We had to move her to a Secure Memory Care facility.

I do sympathize, as I know how stressful it is to see a parent with cognitive decline. I’m dealing with it now. My mom and I have agreed. Right now, we are doing the care for my dad, with 2 sets of outside help coming into the home. And, I’m trying to find placement. He’s on a waiting list.

I hope you can find some solutions. It’s good to share and get support and all the help you can get. There are some videos on you tube by Teepa Snow about managing dementia behavior. They are helpful. Also, the book The 36 Hour Day provides guidance on care. Good luck with everything.!