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Stubborness & Resistance to Help
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: May 8 8:08pm | Replies (34)Comment receiving replies
Bitch together is what I need too. I'm disgusted by those ads with smiling Alzheimer's sufferers and their even longer suffering caregivers, as if this were no more difficult than a trip to the dentist. Smiles all around. BTW I'm also annoyed by pharmaceutical ads that promise amazing results, then follow the pitch with an extensive list of terrible, possibly deadly, side effects. I've been wallowing in negativity today because I'm getting very tired of seeing my husband in the same clothes every single day. His jeans are tattered and ripped in several places, his shoes are coming apart, his hair gets longer and longer and so does his beard. In short, he looks like a homeless person. I don't like being around other people if he's there because he embarrasses me with his endless repetitions of the same stories about his education (Stanford), his career (university reference librarian), and his passion for Ultimate frisbee. Our upstairs has hundreds (not kidding) of frisbees spread out all over the floor. He's sweet, affectionate, kind, generous, and a truly good person, and he's driving me absolutely crazy. I feel trapped by his dependency and annoyed by his incapacity, which I know is ungenerous of me but inescapable. The only thing that helps is venting to others about it, but there are very few I want to inflict that on. I have a close friend who will listen to everything. She went through something similar with her late husband so she understands. The folks here understand. For most of the people we know, our situation is as remote as the war in Sudan is to Americans. It's hard not to feel bleak while acting as if everything were normal. It's very hard to want this to end and to know what that will mean. Whatever happens, there won't be a happy ending. And now I have an aortic aneurysm so I hope I outlast my husband. If I don't, I can't imagine what would become of him. I wish I could be more encouraging, I really do, but sometimes reality is too much to ignore.
Replies to "Bitch together is what I need too. I'm disgusted by those ads with smiling Alzheimer's sufferers..."
@pamela78
I love your honesty and being real! I hear you and can empathize! We are all here for you to support you. Vent to your hearts content. You really need to. You are not alone.
I am in my 50s and have many health issues and can relate with being a burnt out caregiver. My mother in law had Alzheimer’s/high anxiety/OCD and I had to care for her while at the same time caring for my husband with ADHD/Autism/early onset Alzheimer’s/high anxiety/OCD (like his mom) and an infant/child at the time while working a demanding 60+ hour per week job. I am now divorced and a single parent of my teen son and disabled. I needed to save what little mental health I had left to care for my son (who has ADHD and learning differences) and my declining health. It became too much to bear. I became scared because I had no extended family to help and felt like I wanted to run away from life and jump off the nearest bridge. I knew my son needed me so that was something I would not/could not do so divorce was my only option to save my sanity. I still see my son’s father daily and we are fairly amicable but I now have better boundaries. Before divorce, I felt like I lost my oxygen mask and could not put mine on anymore to help anyone else but I needed to find it again to help my young son.
I am concerned about my son’s future and having to deal with his father’s mental decline. He has no family or friends and my son is too young to deal with his father’s decline. I hang on daily to God’s strength, grace and mercy and hope for the future. I trust him to get me through these storms and try to find simple joys daily and rest in His peace.
Wow your situation hits home! I feel every point, except for the aneurysm. The only good thing,you will not be worrying if you go first.. keep sharing please
I am sure their are alot of us who feel defeated in so many ways. I hear your pain and sometimes I am mad at this disease process. Most of us cannot afford to get help or place our loved one in a memory care . The bathing issue is an aversion that I wish he did not have. My husband never smelled prior to all this started. I feel relieved when I finish the shower..I get annoyed and sometimes irritated with what seems such a simple act ..becomes verbal ugliness from him. Hugs to you.
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Why??? Does God allow our lives to become so hard and so sad? And YES I can ask that question. I AM a Christian and I still can ask that question. My heart actually aches for ya'll for the every day situations you have. For what it's worth you're in my prayers for God's grace for you to endure.