Have you tried to go to just a therapist? Sometimes there is trauma that we do not know about that causes these thoughts and even health issues. I have been in therapy for 5 years now. I have also been sober for 7 years and then I got Long COVID and have been battling the symptoms for 3 years now. Therapy is helping figure out who I am and helping me change my thoughts as they are usually self defeating. I also attend AA. There are other 12 step groups that might help and they can be done via Zoom. I do not know what your life has been like, but I too have been on many different anti-depressants over the years. Sometimes emotions can make us sick too. If you can find a good therapist, it is worth a shot and it is someone outside of you family. Try to stay in the present moment also. Remember, the past is gone and the future is not here yet. Now is all any of us has.