@dvbob In 2005 I admitted myself to a place for people who have attempted suicide. I was at a very dark place. With the help of medications and therapy, I finally reached the point where I could say that I was safe. I'm still seeing a therapist, 20 years later. I just recently changed from a Zoom therapist to in person. I find that being in person works much better for me.

At Christmas, 2023, I had a catastrophic reaction to an antibiotic Levofloxacin. It destroyed the tissue in both of my Achilles tendons and ruptured them. It's been a long year. My second tendon transfer surgery was this past December, and I have PT twice a week. I'm having to relearn how to walk. I'm very clumsy still and fall a lot. So, I haven't been able to do much exercise for 15 months, but I get a lot of it in the summer, working in our large yard. I'm trying to get the yard lower maintenance. I work in gardens and flower beds for 6+ hours a day, plus I try to work in time for woodworking projects.

The psychiatric nurse practitioner is trying me on Lithium. My wife told me today that she doesn't see it having any effect on my depression. I think one of the reasons for trying it is to reduce suicidal thoughts. I take Wellbutrin, Mirtazapine, and Duloxetine for depression, and Clonazepam for anxiety and restless leg syndrome. CIDP is a painful disease with no real treatment. I started subcutaneous infusions of Hizentra a few months ago and it has stopped the burning component of the pain in my feet, but I expect to live with pain and numbness the rest of my life. Kind of the same as depression and anxiety and PTSD. Coming to terms with that is a big step toward being at peace.

It's always good to know others who understand by experience.

Jim