@mrmacabre
I hear you about vacations. My son and I haven’t taken one since 2017. I also understand how it feels to not want to live anymore. Depression can rob your joy and identity. I am so glad to be out of that dark hole I was in for over a year.

My father is from the PNW and an atheist. He and his brothers moved to southern CA/Arizona. His sister from Alaska also moved to AZ. I wish I could say my father’s atheist existence made him happy but he has a family history of major depression, generational abuse/neglect, suicide attempts, foster homes, etc. He was always very frugal and often seemed miserable and angry. He wanted to control everything and everyone.

My mom took me to church growing up which planted the seeds of my faith. You may think the living God, intelligent designer/creator and savior is imaginary. He definitely is not. You just may not know Him. We each need to have an open heart and mind to be able to hear the Holy Spirit to be saved. Not everyone will be saved or have a relationship with God. It is free will and a choice. No one can force God on anyone.

I choose to have faith in God who gives me daily hope. I am at peace despite my disability and abusive/neglectful childhood and have been majorly blessed in my life. My home has been paid off and I started to invest in my 20s when I started my first corporate job. I would never be able to afford everything today on my SSDI alone. I am glad I was in a good place financially before becoming disabled. I never thought I would be disabled and not able to work into my 60s. God has helped me make good financial choices and blessed me with a child after years of infertility while married. I always lived below my means and have no debt. This has helped me be able to send my teen son to private school. God has been good to me and I am very thankful. He deserves all the glory. He has prepared me for where I am right now.

You are still valued and loved by God even if you don’t acknowledge Him. Happy Easter! 🙂