Did you tell your parent(s) about your diagnosis?

Thanks for sharing both of those. I'm not the best liar on things like this and having an obsessive mother doesn't help. I'm taking this "secret" to the grave.

I wouldn't want that as a parent. I'm in it with my kids for the good and the bad.

My parents had both passed before I was diagnosed, but I think I would have told them if they were still alive. Both of them came of age during the Great Depression, and Dad served in the Army in Europe during WWII - it took a lot to shake either one of them up. But everyone's situation is different.

My wife and I have different approaches on this. She tends to overshare (IMHO), and I tend to keep things a bit quieter. I've told my siblings, our son, and two close friends about my diagnosis and treatment. Medically important for the sibs and our son to know. The friends, just because they are guys I talk about everything with.

I'm retired, so work colleagues were not an issue - but I think I would have shared, I wouldn't have gotten into the weeds with them, but I'd rather have them understand why I'm jumping up and leaving a meeting to go to the men's room than to speculate.

My decision to keep info from my mom is part of a family tradition. About 20 years ago, my mom was talking to my sister on the phone, and she casually mentioned that she had macular degeneration. My sister didn't panic; she simply related to my mom that blindness often doesn't result until 10 years after initial diagnosis.

So, my sister asked her when she got that diagnosis. My mom replied, "Oh, about 10 years ago."

No , I did not. I was 46 when I had my prostate out. My parents were in their 70's

The question of managing information is a good one. There are a couple issues--who needs to know what, and how the experience of sharing goes. I ended up creating an email list about our health and telling people they could request those emails if they wanted to know, but if others wanted to know, they should not forward the emails, but rather let them know they could request them. Some of course didn't request the emails but still felt entitled to ask me specific questions. I tried to deal with them charitably and patiently.
My family all got the emails, but my immediate family (only children for me) got the information first. My mother-in-law with dementia was always shocked when she overheard something, but she never remembered the previous time. We tried to avoid disturbing her with this and many other things because anxiety is a major symptom for her. We don't tell her she's coming to supper until we show up, for instance.
It makes sense to me that we would think about the impact on an elderly parent as best we understand it and take that into account in how we communicate.

When is your surgery scheduled : ) ?
Wishing you super successful recovery and full eradication of every single cancer cell : ))) Let us know how it went : )

When I was first diagnosed with prostate cancer in April 2012 (Gleason 6(3+3); PSA 4.2; localized), I only told my immediate family, siblings (3 brothers and 1 sister), and others who had a need to know.

I didn’t tell my mother. At 92y/o, why worry her about something happening to her son that she could do nothing about? She died peacefully in 2016 at 96y/o never knowing anything about my prostate cancer.

Eventually (in April 2021), I was treated with proton radiation. My journey has been relatively uneventful so, now even with 20/20 hindsight, I’m very glad that I didn’t worry her for no reason.

That is what makes the lie difficult. Our parents love us so deeply that they really suffer, can't do enough to help us, and feel as though they've failed to protect us. Your kids will try to spare you, north, better watch carefully.

That was exactly the case with us. When we just married we shared some troubles with our parents and they ended being beside themselves, offering things to help that were impossible to realize and yes, their feeling of "not being able to help" was just unbearable to witness : ( . We ended up comforting them more than they could comfort us and we were worried that one of them would end up with heart attack and one with tremendous anxiety etc. , so from then on we plowed through life without sharing troublesome things. It is painful to witness parent emotionally suffer "because of us".