@parus. It sounds like you are tormented by what you experienced in the past. I wish that you could've gotten some help from medications. I take some that help me get through the day. Are you seeing a counselor or therapist? What you bring up regarding things that happen (a call from a sibling) that cause you to feel the pain from the past are "triggers". I experience the same kind of thing and I have developed a "Trigger Action Plan". so that when I get triggered by something that occurs or by someone, I have a plan for what to do to to deal with the thoughts and feelings that get stirred up. For example, I will listen to music or play the piano. Sometimes, when I'm really struggling, I'll just get myself up and find something that requires some kind of physical effort, like vacuuming. It seems to divert my attention and is an outlet for my feelings. It helps me calm down and get some control.
I hope this might be helpful to you. Hang in there. The past may continue to "haunt" you at times, but there are things you can do in the present that will help distance you from the past as you get used to, as they say, "be present in this moment".