Hi there ..... no, you're surely not alone. There's many, many of us who have been right where you are. I was married for 40 years to a man with a personality disorder .... he was "fine" ..... I was "illogical and irrational." (among many other things) I was determined to "make this marriage work" because, like you, I didn't have anyone." Sure, I had 3 grown kids, but as far as parents, sisters, brothers, uncles, etc. ... nothing. I felt totally alone. I wound up on the verge of a breakdown, and my therapist (and if you don't have one ... DO get one) told me that if I did not leave the home, he would have to have me admitted to the local private mental hospital. That afternoon I called a friend - not a close friend, just a friend who knew what was happening - and asked her if I could take her up on her offer to rent a room from her. The very next day, I was gone .... just me, my kitty, my clothing, and my stack of journals (and do journal if you're not already - it's invaluable). He didn't seem to care. I was there for 2 years, all the while hoping that he would realize his piece of our problems, and all the while having meetings with my lawyer. Well, he didn't budge, I filed for divorce, and he didn't fight it. To this day he is convinced that I was "just nuts." I never did anything right in his eyes, I was stupid, never knew what I was talking about, and he accused me of "having an affair with my therapist." During a mediation it came out that he had hacked into my e-mail, made copies, and brought them to the mediation. They had nothing in them except a lot of sadness. The Mediator told him that "you know that's illegal, she could sue you and have you charged for doing that." ((I liked that)) So, I lived with my church friend for 2 years, then moved into my own condo, and probably for the first time in many years, I no longer had a knot in my stomach, wondering what was coming next, what I did wrong now, how did I upset him.
Hon, you have to decide whether you are worth it or not. You say you have no-one around .... what about your church if you have one? does your pastor know your situation? And .... if all else is absent ..... there are womens' shelters for women just like you ..... they can be a valuable help and resource for you. Don't keep putting up with this garbage .... it's just not true. YOU ARE WORTH IT! GET OUT!
Abby