My optimism is my very own department of defense. After my “you can’t be cured, you can only be treated moment” I needed to fightback at my aPC that invaded my body and soul. I spent the next year in pain and misery beyond belief. It was so bad. I started Googling end of life methodologies, strategies, and pills. I wanted out. A no thrills out five times a day topped off with prayers to end this mess. The problem I had was prior to my diagnosis I had built a life path full of enlightenment and meaningful relationships.
I started building a brick wall around me full of optimism. I almost said hope, but I’ve learned in this state of being advanced prostate cancer, hope it’s not a good thing. It’s OK but it’s not good. It must be a defined hope. In other words, I hope that says it’s OK to be hopeful within this moment but stand guarded, it’s a guided hope. Along with my meditations and my prayers I seek out positive things about the world and my community and my people. Because I know that when I die and I’m gone, they’ll be one child born to carry on 2 carry-on.