Yes, once married certainly your wife comes first - as it should be.
But the Moms here are talking about something else. What about the middle way?
To become completely estranged from one's family simply because you are now married, is that right? Of course not. I could write a book about my late brother and his wife...she never, ever even wanted him around my parents or his only sibling - me. The rudeness, unkind and insulting behaviors she displayed towards my dear parents was beyond comprehension. My parents treated her like gold - because they/me knew we would lose my brother if we didn't - DESPITE all the terrible, uncalled for things she did to us. Certainly my brother was aware of her behaviors and to avoid turmoil in his marriage, just let it all happen. He never addressed it and my parents nor myself did either We simply ignored it all. Why? To keep the peace. He was an alcoholic and she put up with him...& he didn't want to lose her - so he said nothing to her to try to change her ways towards my family. And in the end, she "won out" in a sense. My brother got sober, our mother left us an unexpected large inheritance and my poor brother never got to enjoy a cent of it. He died shortly after my Mom. So, my sister in law - who wouldn't give my Dad or Mom the time of day - ended up with a ton of money from my parents. Of course, one would say "well, it's his wife, it's only right!" My brother left everything to her & ignored his only nephew (my son) because she would get "mad" if he gave my son a dollar. And he could have gifted him something - there was plenty to go around. No surprise, she hated children and they never had any. As per their instructions, there was no service of any kind for him. But I did organize a "remembrance luncheon" for our remaining family and his close friends. My brother deserved that. Everyone came, he was a great & funny guy. But she got mad at me and was a no show. But she didn't really care. As fully expected by me, she literally took the $$ and cut what little, mean ties she had with me. I haven't heard a word from her in 8 years & I never will. I would have keep in contact with her, because she reminded me of my brother but again, no surprise, she wanted nothing to do with me while my brother was living - why would she now when he's dead? Is it fair she gets to enjoy my parent's hard earn money and the entire time she was in our family (40 years) treated my parents so incredibly mean? I don't care about myself but my poor parents, what they put up with not to lose my brother. Such is life, right? I more than sympathize with the good Moms, now completely ignored, by what was a good son to them before they got married. It's very sad, the power of a wife who is jealous of her husband's family and wants her husband only to herself. There is always the middle way. Hang in there, Moms. Take care of your own physical and emotional health. You are worth it!!