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Aging Alone—Finding Strength and Connection
Aging Well | Last Active: Apr 18 9:21am | Replies (93)Comment receiving replies
My understanding is that you can choose death if you have six months or less to live. A doctor has to say so. I think at 6 months away, i would be awfully hard to travel to Oregon or California...say, if you had cancer, or challenges walking. I will soon turn 80 and I was widowed suddenly (my husband was killed in an accident at 68 two weeks before his retirement). I have days where I am very tired of living. I have doted on my grandson and helped him in many ways, but at 16, he is more interested his computer than me. I haven't heard from my daughter in ten years (except one ugly note) and my son is usually "busy" I'm hanging on for my grandson as I'm the one who find enrichment programs and talks to him about his studies. I know he needs me to navigate through the pre-college applications and visits, but I'm sure tired. I don't know if I'll be here. If I am not, he may fall through the cracks on scholarships, etc. If it weren't for that, I'd have already gone to Switzerland to check out. 90% of my time is alone. My income barely suffices and I spend what I can on my grandson. This just isn't fun.
Replies to "My understanding is that you can choose death if you have six months or less to..."
@maggybird
Thank you for the honesty of your post. Please know that your vulnerability is not wasted.
First, your grandson is definitely at that age that he would be pre-occupied with a million things other than appreciating family. I look back now that I’m in my sixties, and realize how that was so very true of me! I care for my 93 year old father in my husband and I’s home and look back wondering if my mom (who was caregiver to her parents in our family home), faced similar challenges to the ones we face. I will never know, as she is now gone and I was just too pre-occupied back then to even notice! But you know, your grandson WILL (and at some level now even does) treasure the time and effort you make with him. You are an inspiration for all of us to keep working at fostering connections and feeding into others!
Second, condolences on your husband’s passing just shy of retirement. My brother (who had just turned sixty) died two weeks ago very unexpectedly—and it is surreal….
I am sad to hear that you spend so much time alone. Is there any way you could get out a bit—to church, a senior center (dad and I just toured one Friday and he is now interested in going—where for years he did not want to), the library, etc? (Preaching to myself now—as I become more and more isolated in being a caregiver.). And, I’ll just throw in, that our Lord loves and appreciates you and is always ready for fellowship time…..this is helping me a great deal right now! You are such a dedicated, loving person—thank you!
Oh, dear. How I envy you having a grandson.
I have no grandchildren & feel bad about it everyday.
I read a lot & volunteer but still miss my husband every day.
I think maybe there is something I am still meant to do, so I am hanging in there. Maybe your grandson is one of your
purposes...... & you have to look for others???
What happens in Switzerland? K
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Even though your grandson is at an age where he can’t fully appreciate you or your efforts to assist him in having a rewarding and successful life, someday he will. You may not be around to witness it, but that’s okay. I know I wish I could go back in time and give my grandparents more attention than I did, but it doesn’t work that way. Keep up your good work!💌