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mrmacabre: Truer works have never been spoken. When we were growing up family was everything. We all lived close to one another, Sunday dinners, big holiday gatherings with immediate and extended family and personally I called my mother just about every day to check in on her.
Today? These 30s and 40s adult "children" are so self-absorbed and are completely clueless on being there for their senior parents - especially when help is needed due to sickness or other issues where a parent needs some assistance. It is not asking too much...they SHOULD be more than willing and able to help their parents. But it is like pulling teeth. It's like only their lives matter at their age - and the heck with the "aging" Mom or Dad. Yes, social media to blame but that's only part of it. It's a mindset they have and no idea why they all (mostly) became narcissists.
We certainly didn't raise them that way! And I have found this behavior really comes out once they reach the 30s and 40s. Just when we are moving into our 60s and 70s. Yes, will they realize all this when we are 6 feet under or blowing in the wind? Who knows. I never found my aging mother to be a burden. I did everything I could for her...by her side when she lost my father and as she went through the aging process with multiple health issues. In my opinion, this is a MAJOR issues in our society today - it shows up in all ways.
And it is more common that we think - we have expectations about our adult children - "normal" expectations and they don't step up to the plate. It is very sad...
Replies to "mrmacabre: Truer works have never been spoken. When we were growing up family was everything. We..."
I completely understand how you feel. My husband and I have been there for all the family, but we’re almost always on our own when we need help. I know my children and grandchildren love us, but they stay really busy with their own interests and tend to forget about us.
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I really don't understand it, my wife and I are both in our 60's. I've been retired on SSDI for almost ten years now, and she still works full time. Our kids both have families of their own, but they have both gone above and beyond to help us in more than one way ever since I had to retire. We took a huge financial hit when I did that, and we had to live with our son and his family for 2 years, but that's what families do for one another.
In 2001, my wife and I had to fly down to LA from where we live, north of Seattle, and move her mom up to Washington state so she could move in with us because my mother in law's 2nd husband bailed on her, and she couldn't afford to live on her own.
So we flew down there, rented a truck, drove up to Crestline, CA where she was staying with her other daughter, and loaded her stuff. Then we drove over 100 miles to my MIL's sister's house to pick up some more stuff, loaded that into the truck, and started driving north on interstate 5. Just to make things more interesting, my MIL was bringing her car, which had a manual transmission. By the first time we stopped, my wife didn't want her mom to be alone during the trip, so I had to drive her car, and my wife drove the truck with her mom in the other seat because she couldn't drive a stick.
Long story short(too late) we moved her up here to Mt. Vernon, Wa. and she moved in with us. Not long after this happened, our son and his wife and their 18 month old daughter had to also move in with us because the business he and someone else had started went under, and they had to declare bankruptcy and sell their home.
So at one point, we had 4 generations living under one roof. It wasn't easy, but we made it work. Our son moved out after a couple of years, and has been very successful ever since, and my MIL lived with us for over 11 years before she passed away in 2013.
This is what a family does for each other.