I'm so sorry for all that you're going through. I have to admit there are so many things on your list that were (still are) on mine. It took a long time to get the diagnosis but it was Rheumatoid Arthritis. It's difficult to diagnose. I kept telling my Doctor what I thought it was and he said "I think you had injured your hands and they healed improperly". LOL! He sent me to an Orthopedic clinic for x-rays and they said there was no doubt I had RA. I switched Doctor's-haha. If I can help in any way, feel free to reach out.

Wishing you the best!