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Coping with grief with Mom now in Memory Care

Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Apr 2 2:34pm | Replies (6)
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@bayviewgal

I wish I could say the same about placing my 64 yo husband into a dementia specialized facility. It is a new facility which i liked and the first few weeks seemed to be fine...other than the normal feelings and emotions we were experiencing. Now that MORE residents are moving in he's not adjusting very well. His behavior has gotten erratic and physical with other residents. LOTS of people...bright lights and TONS of noises. A UTI was ruled out for this behavior and we have an appt with his neurologist this afternoon to see if he needs another med to combat his combative behavior. Other residents have started altercations with him also. Too many people in other people's "bubbles" seems to be the norm from what I can see and I can only imagine it scares him, confuses him and he feels threatened and lashing out is the only way he knows to respond. I'm afraid for him AND the safety of other residents so I'm in the process of finding him another place to live, but that takes time, so I'm going to have to move him back home with me and find another in-home care provider. He does SO much better 1 on 1 and is so much calmer. He also has severe aphasia so communicating is very difficult for both him and caregivers. So not sure if he's in pain or hungry or cold, etc. I sure hope his dr. has an answer for me. Oh yah, they don't seem to concerned about getting him involved in activities...if they come to the activity room on their own, then I guess everything is ok. I'm glad this was a good move for you in your journey
Strength, Peace and Love

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Replies to "I wish I could say the same about placing my 64 yo husband into a dementia..."
Teri | @tsc | Apr 2 2:34pm

Hi @bayviewgal,
I guess it's not possible for the facility to create a quieter secluded area where residents like your husband can be more at ease. Is there a patient liaison manager with whom you can raise the issue?
My husband has moderate Alzheimer's. He's still at home. He is generally very compliant, but he has had strong adverse reactions, almost violent, to two friends who have visited and talked non-stop. When they were here, he told me he hates them and to get rid of them. Last time, I was afraid he would get violent. I won't be inviting them over anymore. I think he feels powerless when their nonstop talking drowns him.
When my dad went into a care home, he was mobile and started hitting other residents when he walked. So my mom hired an attendant who stayed with him during the day and prevented him from hitting other residents. My dad lost his ability to walk a few months later so, sadly, the problem resolved. At the same time, it was a relief.
I've been reading about Hale Ku'ike's approach to Memory Care (here in Hawaii). They were the nation's first designated "Positive Approach to Care", PAC, which is an individualized approach. Maybe there are some facilities like that near you.
With the experience you've had you can focus on what you need in a new facility if the current one can't create a safe environment for your husband and others like him.
Is your husband able to write and communicate with a small whiteboard or chalkboard?
I wish you the best with this the most difficult of tasks.

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