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Coping with grief with Mom now in Memory Care

Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Apr 2 2:34pm | Replies (6)
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@robertwills

I felt very similar but I learned shortly after that it was the far better situation. In memory care it's not just 24/7 care, it's socialization, stimulation and activities that could not take place in your home (unless you have a lot of space and want other residents living with you). It's also far better equipped in case of an emergency. Plus I was able to visit 24/7, too. I met a lot of other resident's family members and developed friendships. In many respects it was like a resort, with an all day restaurant, workout room with all kinds of professional equipment, and lots of space, inside and out, for walking. So give it some time and see how it goes. If there are other places nearby you may want to visit them and maybe one will even provide better care.

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bayviewgal | @bayviewgal | Apr 1 3:12pm

I wish I could say the same about placing my 64 yo husband into a dementia specialized facility. It is a new facility which i liked and the first few weeks seemed to be fine...other than the normal feelings and emotions we were experiencing. Now that MORE residents are moving in he's not adjusting very well. His behavior has gotten erratic and physical with other residents. LOTS of people...bright lights and TONS of noises. A UTI was ruled out for this behavior and we have an appt with his neurologist this afternoon to see if he needs another med to combat his combative behavior. Other residents have started altercations with him also. Too many people in other people's "bubbles" seems to be the norm from what I can see and I can only imagine it scares him, confuses him and he feels threatened and lashing out is the only way he knows to respond. I'm afraid for him AND the safety of other residents so I'm in the process of finding him another place to live, but that takes time, so I'm going to have to move him back home with me and find another in-home care provider. He does SO much better 1 on 1 and is so much calmer. He also has severe aphasia so communicating is very difficult for both him and caregivers. So not sure if he's in pain or hungry or cold, etc. I sure hope his dr. has an answer for me. Oh yah, they don't seem to concerned about getting him involved in activities...if they come to the activity room on their own, then I guess everything is ok. I'm glad this was a good move for you in your journey
Strength, Peace and Love

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ilovemymom | @ilovemymom | Apr 1 9:26pm

Thank you, Robert.
I understand that it's going to take time and I trust that I will start to feel a sense of relief.
It's still heartbreaking to see her teary-eyed and asking to go home. I worry non-stop about her falling and feeling lonely. She was crying when I left her today as she started to eat dinner. It sucks. I'm trying to meet as many of the caregivers as possible so they get to know her, and understand her needs and my expectations. She's sweet and vulnerable and very lovable.

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