I understand your feelings and encourage you to keep talking. I married my husband when I was 45 ..my first marriage. I had a lot of severe trauma as a teenager and young adult. I lost my only child to forced adoption. I am happy for you that you have kids and grandkids...I'm sure you cherish them. However much you care for each other, that does not take away the pain of the loss of your spouse. I had 26 marvelous years with my husband..every day was like a miracle.
It's been 3 years and I still cry every day. His clothes
and tools and guitar still remain in their place. I can't let them go. You are not alone in your grief. Allow yourself to cry and talk as much as you need to. Only You will know when you are ready to move forward. I sen d you air hugs. If ever I had the opportunity to have coffee with you, I would not walk away from you.