@dennismm - I am not sure how long it has been since your wife passed away. It could be you are displaying a huge amount of grief. My wife and I were married for 52 years when she passed away at our home in the middle of the night unexpectedly only six weeks ago. She passed away due to heart failure. I did join an in-person support group, and our first meeting was today which I found helpful to be able to discuss the challenges with others going through the same as me. None of this is easy. The shock lasted with me for a month. I would absolutely suggest fining a support group or a grief counselor. Best to you and take care of yourself.