thanks for the reply @texasduchess @secretwhitepop @sears . Sleep helps alot, that which i've been lacking lately, and which i've learned is fundamental when it comes to even "having a chance" at healing and coming off meds you've been on for 20+ years..or.. just cause.. and last night, i got a solid 7-8 hours (gravol assisted), which is the first time in weeks literally. I look forward to more restful sleep tonight. My doctors are aware and all agreed at the taper plan, which was suggested by my trusted "pharmacist, and GP and cpsych. Problem is, while i was "marginally better" on the 37.5. I had most of those symptoms already present just less severe. basically Effexor never worked for me, and the urgency to get off was born from there. I wish i could say i was feeling great, and so that's when i decided it was time to taper. But i wasn't. I never felt good on effexor, except when upping or lowering a dose, i would get one day of euphoric happiness, which soon faded. If my original dose of zoloft from my teens didn't stop working, i wouldn't be fighting this fight.. same with Celexa, which worked for a long time, then, either i had too much pressure in my life, or it just stopped working, then switched to lexapro, no help, then effexor xr. If the meds just kept on working, i would still be on them. That was my main motivation for the taper all together. that and taking holistic care of myself.. watching my diet, meditating, get hormones checked, and supplementing etc.. vitamin, self care...i've think i've already mentioned). this long planned journey since 2017. to do the right things, plan things out. I realize i've perhaps made some bad choices, but i feel like they were supervised choices nonetheless, and i have no choice now but to assume them.. I've been off since Feb 19th'. so 1.5 months. and i'm at that age old choice of "do i go back on or not".. do i soldier on? will things get better? i hate that question. but mostly, i hate that i don't see a light at the end of the tunnel.. i wish i knew someone in my circumstance, who's gotten through it. someone who can say.. yes, with time, things will get better.

thanks for reading