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Post therapy report
I'm now 4 months past chemotherapy and I've have 3 cycles of maintenance. For my that is trastuzmab (herceptin,)
Cancer is my second chronic illness and March turned out to be my blue moon month. I had to get all kinds of test and scans for both Crohn's detection and cancer maintenance protocols. Between my physical, mental health I had 17 appointments in March. I completed 12 and I have 5 left this week.
This past week my dad was taken to the ER by ambulance and admitted to trf hospital. It's been a rollercoaster ride for sure. At first he was very ill and he delusional. We were looking at hospice. Then he rallied and was back to his old cognitive self. I called for a meeting with his providers to have them take to dad about his conditions and talk to him about hospice and rehab. My dad chose rehab. I have been crying for days. I'm so relieved that Dad was cognitive and could make his own decisions.
Just because I had this C diagnosis doesn't mean other people won't also have issues. Life just keeps plugging along anyway.
I've written about my anger in the past. I'm continue to go to therapy and my partner and I started couples counseling. I think anger is my mechanism for avoiding crying. I cry easily. Crying is for sissies right? I believe that in my case anger was more acceptable than crying. Anger is what protected me from ridicule. Anger made me fierce. Some one to be cautious with. It's deep seeded and easily accessible. It will be work to change.
I go through periods of hope and dismay about my future but I can honestly say that at this point hope is stronger than dismay. I think I'm being realistic about my future. It's probably going to include more cancer and I'm not ok with that but that shoe hasn't dropped yet and I believe that I have what it takes to heat the odds. So I'm moving forward with hope leading.
I am in several on line groups with people who have my cancer cell types. There really doesn't seem like there is anything that indicates what I'm doing will make a difference. Most of the women in these forums don't really do anything in addition to chemotherapy and the maintenance. Some have recurrances immediately others stay cancer free for 2 or 3 years. I actually heard from one woman who is six years past without recurrance. But there is no path for getting there it just seems like random luck
So I sign off for now but I'll keep posting. It feels good to express my thoughts
Denise
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I just want to say that your posts are so honest, helpful, meaningful and deeply appreciated. It is hard enough to take control of your own health issues, let alone the health issues of others around you. Then you have to balance all that with the demands of maintaining relationships around you. This journey has definitely made me wonder how much one human can really stand. It's a LOT. You are amazingly strong and I hope you continue to put one foot in front of the other and continue to carve out a few minutes here or there to write, or talk, or do those things that keep you grounded. And know that you're not alone. ❤️ I don't know if these posts allow emojis but there is a heart there for you. And a hug.
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3 Reactions@denisestlouie Thank you for returning with an update. I'm been thinking of you and wondering how you are doing. I can imagine the stress and worry associated with your dad's recent hospitalization. Did the doctors figure out what caused his illness? I know that sometimes an undiagnosed infection can cause cognitive changes and delusions in older adults. When the infection, such as a urinary tract infection, is diagnosed and treated with antibiotics then the cognitive changes clear up too.
You are so right that just because we are dealing with our own lives and illnesses does not mean that the lives of our loved ones do not change also.
Your insight into your own anger and how the anger expresses itself in your life is significant. Trying to figure out the emotions that exist underneath that anger is also significant and it sounds like you are doing just that. Cancer is horrible and yet it also causes us to look at our earthly existence and our relationships in a new and different way. I can say that over time cancer did that for me too.
I'm hoping for a good outcome for your dad. Will you let me know how he progresses in rehab?
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3 ReactionsMy dad is very old and many of his bodily systems are not working well, heart, kidney's and he not producing enough blood. No the doctors did say why his cognitive abilities were diminished. But he was very sick and they gave him blood rest fluids and nutrition, That made all the difference.
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2 ReactionsMy guess would be that your Dad was probably dehydrated, that can cause so many problems and we tend not to drink enough fluids as we age.
Here is a great article on a woman who had pancreatic cancer and beat the odds, love her attitude. I know it is not the type of cancer that we are working through but think her story is a ray of hope for us all:
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/pancreatic-cancer-diagnosis-treatment-irene-wells-mass-general-brigham/
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3 ReactionsI hope is good hope