Aging Alone—Finding Strength and Connection

The solution is to find people like you. It's true many people will ignore or reject people who they can't get anything from but that is certainly not all people. You just need to keep trying until you do. If you get rejected it means they are not for you and you should be thankful!

I love these posts. Think they are very relevant. My issue is that I had a wonderful book club that I was with for over 20 years. We did other activities socially. In the fall of 2021 I experienced a 3rd heart attack, followed by bypass. Suddenly they disbanded and no communication. I’ve been widowed since 1992 and my kids live in other states so I’m comfortable alone. However. Illness, heart failure, is a new kind of alone. Compromises what I can do. Everyone says move to retirement community. Where I live they are farther away from amenities. I still drive and grocery shop, cook. If I don’t want to cook, I drive to nearby Culver’s. I miss the intellectual stimulation of book club. Not just any book club, it was the people. A lot in common regarding reading. Aargh!!

It's not the same as spending personal time in the company of others.

I love these posts. Think they are very relevant. My issue is that I had a wonderful book club that I was with for over 20 years. We did other activities socially. In the fall of 2021 I experienced a 3rd heart attack, followed by bypass. Suddenly they disbanded and no communication. I’ve been widowed since 1992 and my kids live in other states so I’m comfortable alone. However. Illness, heart failure, is a new kind of alone. Compromises what I can do. Everyone says move to retirement community. Where I live they are farther away from amenities. I still drive and grocery shop, cook. If I don’t want to cook, I drive to nearby Culver’s. I miss the intellectual stimulation of book club. Not just any book club, it was the people. A lot in common regarding reading. Aargh!!

I've been eccentric and outspoken all my life.
Living now in a co-housing community, I was active in the community groups for a few years and found it not so comfortable, not the first time in my life.
But living in a rather close, small neighborhood has given me opportunities to form friendships with people on a one-to-one basis, which I do rather well, and across all generations.
Having a friendly dog helps break the ice, and being Mr. Fixit with a well-equipped shop has given me a valuable role in the community.
Years past I spent many hours in libraries researching unusual topics in music history. Now the internet has changed my world, allowing communication with fellow geeks around the world and digital access to historical manuscripts I never hoped to see.
I also maintain a few close friendships from my former career, usually via FaceTime.
And Mayo Connect has given me a richness which, I hope many of us find here.

I’m caring for my husband who is 9 years older than I and not feeling well. I know how important it is to continue my own life so I hired a caregiver for 12 hours a week so I can go to line dancing once a week and go to the gym and also play a game called Mah Jongg twice weekly for 3 hours at a time.
I have wonderful friends who pick me up and drive me. I’m determined to “have a life” meaning staying active physically and socially. I am almost 86 but can’t allow myself to become depressed as I also have some physical problems. Hope this helps others who feel they are alone.

Even tho I live in a big city, and it offer many opportunities for getting together In-Person, because, lets face it, if a relationship as a friend is to happen, we need to meet physically.
I've made use of meetup.com which is vast and offers all kinds of possibilities and while I've started even myself to find friends along lines I was interested in ( discussing certain newspaper articles that grapple with larger human issues including how we keep ourselves in optimal health, I was Not able to find anyone who I could call a friend.

The problem, yes it's more like The Problem, is that people (rightly) feel lonely but strangely they also often feel Ashamed of reaching out, as if others can see they are friendless=no one likes them. And yet a friend is one who is equally interested in having you as their friend. It's a Mutual relationship, one cannot be a friend to someone who does not feel SAME level of closeness towards you. So if I want a few genuine connections, I can only connect with others who too have at least Some of the same things I am interested in.

So I've while left two such groups, I've also joined two new ones. As an octogenarian, I do feel it's crucial to have nurturing friends. So I concentrate on What Next, and do not dwell on who disappointed me ... it makes no sense to waste the little time I've left as some pains and body limitations keep reminding me to waste no time.

Libraries, communities centers, even connecting with local social initiatives and even churches activities where you might help out even if you do not believe in that religious community, unless they show aversion toward you.