Ok yes, I can relate to that. It’s kind of inline with self confidence. When I get to work I’m confronted with a dilemma.. how do I feel.. confident? If so I use the main door and walk by everyone and say hi etc, expect they come to me with technical problems.. if I don’t feel confident or I’m fragile, I slip in the side door where no one sees me.. ultimately they see you at your desk but there’s a grace period... just a little game I play I noticed...

When you said lucid, I thought perhaps you meant in relation to derealization.. which I feel less now that Im only in 37.5, but still kinda present nonetheless. Scary