I know how you feel. The longer you have been together, the worse it is. Our 63rd anniversary (if my husband was still alive) will be coming up in July. I am still in deep grief. I am very old, but thankfully still independent. I have no people to support me. At 90 I do not know how many more years I may have. Thankfully I do not seem to have any major illnesses. I wonder if all the drugs older people take make them worse. I am not an anti-vaccer. But personally I do not do well with drugs and have to be extremely careful due to adverse reactions. I just lived day by day and still do. Still spend many days just lying in bed and crying. I am not sure anyone can tell you what to do. We all experience grief in our own way.