← Return to Siblings don’t seem to care

Discussion

Siblings don’t seem to care

Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: 1 day ago | Replies (40)

Comment receiving replies
@celia16

This is true. I doubt most people understand the demands of being awakened during the night with various issues, cleaning up toileting accidents multiple times a day and night, endless laundry, shopping, meal rep, clean up, medication management, managing senior meltdowns, resistance to care, money management, house and yard maintenance, repeatedly calling the plumber from disposal washcloths down the toilet, repeated attempts justifying why outside help is needed to the senior is adamant they are ok, making doctor appointments, transporting to all appointments, trash disposal/ recycling, hauling off massive amounts of trash when company doesn’t pickup due to weather……my dad asked me today, as I was trying to shave him, if I had ever worked at a nursing home. Ha! I said yes, I’m working at one now in your house! He laughed. But, it’s true. I am attempting to place both parents right now (looking for a facility with openings) , as their needs are too great for living in their home without full time (3 shifts of people) around the clock care, which I can’t continue to do, plus work my job.

And, though people say, if there is anything they can do….it’s not really what they mean, imo. I hired an agency last week and they called me while I was out due to problem with my dad. Not their fault, but still…..) I’ve reached out to these people who offer to help, including family and with a couple of exceptions, it’s not forthcoming. I can’t say I blame them. I would never recommend that a person take this on. Maybe, for a short time….like recovery from surgery, but longterm, it’s brutal.

Jump to this post


Replies to "This is true. I doubt most people understand the demands of being awakened during the night..."

I do understand. My wife has MCI, probably transitioning into the early stages of dementia, so the demands on me are nowhere near yours, but I am a retired internist/geriatric physician who made home visits on disabled patients (many with advanced dementia), and I observed all the things you mention. It is a thankless job but no one will ever do it as well as dedicated family member. Yet, there comes a time when it is more than you can provide. I think the best thing you can do after moving to institutional care is to remain a dedicated advocate for dignified care. Patients with advanced dementia who lack an advocate are often the neglected ones. I've yet to see a facility that had adequate staffing.