Claudia I understand. I have the same type of anhedonia (loss of interest and love for things in life); it's a struggle getting through each moment of every day. Some moments are a bit calmer than others but it's constant torment and torture. I'm not sure what is happening to me and why. I'm thinking it's due to life issues but the torture is really more of a result of the Benzo Clonezepam I've used inconsistently for 10 years or so. As I said sometimes I wouldn't take it for days, even weeks and when I did it was .5mg on and off. I've come to understand that how I used it was very damaging to my Central Nervous System and that's probably why I am so debilitated with severe depression, insomnia and anxiety.
It was suggested to me by an experienced member of Benzo Buddies to use 1mg split in .5mg every day at exactly the same time 10am and 10pm to try to get some stabilization. I've done it for 6 weeks as a hold and 2 days ago I got the microscale and I cut my daily dose by 8%. 10% is the highest recommended reduction on a taper cut and a taper cut should be held for 2 to 4 weeks for the brain to slowly adapt to less but even so withdrawal symptoms will be experienced. The idea is to go slow, steady, precisely making taper cuts with a microscale over a long period of time to do it the safest possible way to minimize the risk of severe withdrawals. It gets even more complicated when low dose tapers are reached and it's recommended to get a pharmacy to give the medication in liquid form and the patient uses syringes to get more exact small cuts the last months before jumping off. Sadly the medical field and system here in the States with few exceptions doesn't understand this and doesn't recognize that the standard fast taper off of benzos or psych medication like antidepressants, etc. causes great arm by provoking acute withdrawals and long term protracted withdrawals. It's terrible and I never understood until now listening to dozens of Dr. Josef Witt Doerring's podcasts and being on forums like Benzo Buddies and other Facebook Benzo support groups learning in order to prepare myself if possible for the best outcome possibly. I'm not sure about your situation but it sounds like the Benzo and other psych medications in your life have put you in the same hell I am in. It's best to find an understanding, willing prescriber to possibly put you on some Benzo to stabilize you with precise daily doses at the same times each day and then try doing a safe taper as I described above. There's so much to learn about this and tapering is very complicated over a long period of time to minimize the damage to our brains. You're a good person that got mishandled by the medical field like me and it's awful. Now we try to survive this crippling c daily condition.
Nevertheless Happy Birthday and I'm glad to have met you and share in our suffering. It's best to have connections with people who truly understand. I will offer anything I can that I am learning that may be of use to you. My 💜 heart goes out to you and I completely understand.