I am so sorry for your loss. I’ve read that when you deeply love someone then you grieve deeply. Grief comes in many forms and it changes over time. I hope you can find a counseling group or discussion group that you can share with and they can help you thru this very difficult time. I’ve also experienced the loss of my mom and your hurt and loss is very real. I pray you will find comfort and peace.

@yhopefullstill I am so very sorry for the loss of your mom and best friend.

I totally understand the big black hole you’re feeling inside and the waves of grief and anger. I lost my mom to cancer within a month of her being diagnosed with lung cancer. We thought she had flu. The cancer was everywhere by the time she was diagnosed, and she deteriorated rapidly.

The radiation on her brain tumours at least enabled her to speak, walk and think normally until she passed. She was struggling with all 3 within a few days of diagnosis. Her doctors stopped all treatment and I’m so grateful they did. We pushed her harder than she wanted to but she tried for us. I carry that guilt.

My mom was the most important person in my life and like you we communicated every day. We also spent hours playing scrabble and other board games like uno as well as cards. I haven’t played any since.

Mom had my back within family dynamics. I never realised how much until she was gone.

I still talk to my mom every day but with the time that has passed in a comforting way. I share a laugh with her when I see a Willy Wagtail being a Willy Wagtail. I still miss her dreadfully. When she passed I would have very realistic dreams for years where she was alive again and we continued our great relationship. I had to be careful with my memories - distinguishing between fact and my dreams.

Everyone grieves differently but feel free to grieve your own way and in your own time. Grief is honouring the love you shared.

It did help me to think I was living for both myself and my mom, and that responsibility held me up when I had trouble standing.

I did go back to work immediately because I couldn’t sit with my grief at home. My workmates were tremendous. The grief would suddenly roll in at work in a huge uncontrollable wave, and I would run to the toilets to cry.

I also spent a lot of time with my iPod running in a forest nearby.

I read Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now” which was so helpful in focussing my mind on my body in the here and now and not getting lost in mourning the past or fearing the future.

Please do keep in touch with this site. We’re here for you ♥️❤️‍🩹🌺