@sandij
The last 5 years of my marriage (40 years) were not the best. We loved each other, but I didn't realize the extent of our financial problems until I found myself $364,000 in debt after he died. That's what changed him and made him drink so much. I had no idea.
I myself was stuck in years of illness compounded by years of MS relapses, hence the huge debt, but I discovered only half of it was mine.
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We were not available to each other because of our own challenges. And when Frank came and kept me alive around valentines day, while I could not see him or hear him, we communicated with our brains. I was stunned as he was the real causes of the emotional sepatation we both felt.
We each did not understand the most important thing the other person was going thru. That was the root of our distance. 5 years is a long time...All that is corrected now. It feels peaceful inside now for us both.
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Sending you some peace. Put it in your pocket and take it out and let it flow thru you, if you choose...then put it back to use another time. There is an unlimited amount in it.
Bright Wings

@merpreb we went to marriage counseling soon after my ailing mother in law came to live with us. We had been married for one year when she needed help, and my two sisters in law wouldn't have her, so I became her caregiver until she died a year later. The counseling only helps to the extent that an individual will address their issues, and to the experience of the counselor to confront them. I thi k this happens far too often, therapists who allow their clients to ramble and never push them to see any deeper.