@pjane53 I’m sorry this has happened to you. My sister cut me out of her life some years ago. None of her children shares her politics/values, but 2 of her children have nevertheless done the same while the other 2 remain close to me. Those 2 children and I are very close. We NEVER discuss my issues with their mum and I never bad mouth their mum. Sometimes they will bad mouth their mum to me but I never join in and try to genuinely help them find solutions to their issues constructively through knowing their mum so well.

I am not invited to any family gatherings. My sister and I still co operate civilly by text or email over my father’s heath and well being. I have only been in the same room as her twice in about 10 years. Once by mistake at my father’s house and the other more recently when one of her daughters insisted I was included in her engagement cocktail party. We all behaved well.

Your son has made choices. They are HIS choices - whatever motivates them. You can’t ignore them, let alone force him to look at things your way and do things the way you want him to do.

The lesson I learnt from my circumstances with my sister is to move forward. It is what it is. Don’t get mired in anger and hurt and all sorts of unhealthy negative emotions. Make clear the door is always open at any time, but that you respect their wishes.

Enjoy your other child. Don’t discuss or bad mouth to him about your older son and his wife as that will ruin that relationship.

Don’t get enmeshed in what used to be. Get therapy to release the hurt and anger. Move forward, with love ♥️🙏