Twelve years! Yikes. I'm so sorry that you're having such a wretched time. I understand your desire for escape and your feelings of hopelessness. All the advice about being patient and non-confrontational, about knowing it's the disease not the real person, is fine and dandy but actually subduing your own natural reactions is truly a challenge. When I feel angry or have to shout because my husband can't hear and refuses to have his hearing aids checked, I hate the sound of my own voice. My sleep was so disrupted by my husband's nighttime restlessness that I've asked him to sleep separately so I can get the sleep I need to get through the days. I don't have it nearly as bad as many on this site, but I'm sure my turn will come when caring for him will become more difficult physically. I'm 79 and have a serious heart condition and am supposed to avoid stress. Good luck with that! You're not a Debbie Downer; you're just honest.

Hi, all. I was my wife's caregiver for her 14+ years' war and can understand all the incredible and difficult demands that caregiving put on us.

While I know everyone is different in this journey, one thing I used to help me day-to-day was to remind myself, first thing every day, that one day, she'd no longer be alive with me.

Now, years after her passing, I can say the loss and grief I feel from her death greatly outweigh the inconveniences, exhaustion, and more that I felt from all the caregiving tasks, questions, etc.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

This is a great place to vent. No one is judging you. I just wish I had the fortitude to stand up to him in the earlier stages of his dementia. He had always had sound judgment. Now I am the Sally Sour. He doesn’t remember his unsound choices he made but I sure do.