Hi!
It is very difficult when we, the child, become the caregiver of our parents.
My father ran a one-man business.
Although it was small, he made what he needed and when my brother and I moved out, his business took off and he had way more than he ever hoped for.
My mother took care of everything that had to do with the house.
She paid the bills, not only household bills, but the day to day bills for my father's business.

My mother was my dad's love of his life, too!
When she died, he fell apart.
As far as I am concerned, he had a breakdown.
He let his business go to pot and lost it.
He would go over to the cemetary each and every day.
When my sister-in-law and I went to clean out my mom's things, we noticed that she tried to prepare my dad for her death.
Everything was organized and labeled, even the desk.

A friend convinced my dad to go down to Florida for a while to try to clear his head (that never happened).
It was really a great idea since he had lots of friends there and his brother and 3 sisters, as well as my mother's family.
Only people missing was me and my family and my brother and his family.

He never got over my mother and survivied her more than 20 years, which is ironic because he was always the sick one with heart issues and she was always the healthy one until cancer got her. She had lung cancer (non smoker) and it was my dad who smoked for years.

Bottom line, we all grieve differently. Some scream and shout, close themselves off, listen to sad songs, moves, gets things together and moves on, etc. The grieving process lasts as long as it needs to. My dad never stopped grieveing. As for me, I still think of her all the time, but now I think of the sweet times. I still grieve my dad, too, but not the one who never got over my mom, but the dad who used to take me to work with him.

Allow youself the time you need. Keep an eye on Mom, but let her grieve her way, too.

Wishing you peace and peace of mind!
Ronnie (GRANDMAr)

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