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I understand your panic completely...when my doctor said I had prostate cancer it was like a deer in the headlights...he did say this isn't what is going to get you and recommended a biopsy, which i did and then on return to his office he says" yep...this is going to get you". I saw four urologists and like you the radiation for me was concerning since your right no one would operate after radiation. Two others wanted to do the DaVinci robotic...the last, Dr Catalona at Chicago Northwestern Medical Center. My wife and I saw him and he insisted nerve sparring radical prostatectomy needed to be done by hand so the tactical feel enhances the accuracy of the surgery. This was January 2, 2020 so it may be different now. We chose him to do the surgery. I never had any incontinence and still don't, and I am still cancer free after 5 years...thank God. The other gentleman is right...it has to be your decision. Good Luck and God speed on your decision, I'm sure you'll choose the right person to help you through this tough time...Amos
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Comment on DaVinci vs "by hand" ("open") prostatectomy. I'm a retired surgeon (not a urologist). Towards the end of my career, DaVinci robot became available @ my hospital. One of my younger colleagues jumped right in and trained on it. I did not, worrying that I might not have enough time left to get sufficiently skilled at it.
IMO from what I've seen and discussed with urologists, there's no question that the robot allows much more precision at the fine dissection needed to "tease" the nerves away from the prostate capsule. It takes longer, and requires the development of skill in technique. But if you can find a doc who's done at least 500 cases, you're better off with the robot.
That takes me to the risk of side effect of erectile dysfunction after surgery...a real problem for some men. Especially someone who has maybe 40 years of potential active sex life ahead of him.
There are many scare stories of ED, it does happen but I believe that it is much more preventable than commonly thought. Rather than go into a long discussion of how to manage that, I suggest searching on this forum and Google for penile rehabilitation after prostatectomy. Following a daily, multifaceted training program, I returned to full sexual function about 7 months after surgery @ age 74.