Sorry to hear it'd cost you that much, but it's good you responded because some others on this forum might have some cheaper options for a good second opinion. Best wishes.

You are in a real financial/insurance bind for sure. Totally get the feeling….
If you have to go the VA route, I suggest you reach out to either friends (ex or current military) or start looking for websites such as this one solely for veterans and their experiences with various drs and hospitals - they are not all the same!
I’ve heard VA horror stories, but also stories of excellent care, so where and who treats you does matter.
You say they are giving you a choice of surgery or seeds- seems crazy since there are more options as far as radiation is concerned…
In any event I will parrot the advice of others and recommend surgery because of your age; if it comes back at any point you can then do radiation.
So I would use whatever means at your disposal to find a good surgeon in the VA system, even if it means traveling to another state - it’s THAT important.
FWIW, a good friend of mine left his lucrative oral surgery practice to be a VA oral surgeon; he needed to be closer to his elderly parents. Another, also an oral surgeon, did likewise after 9/11. There are plenty of excellent, dedicated men and women in the VA system - just gotta find them.