Hi @avaaaaaaaaa
I can well understand you as I also have temporal lobe epilepsy (left side with mesial sclerosis) and went through similar situations in 2019 and 2020.
I was diagnosed with epilepsy in 2019 and started with medications which have brought me terrible side-effects. I also became very depressed, especially while taking Tegretol (carbamazepine). The medications have also affected my memory and I got very distressed with that. The neuroassessment I did in 2019 clearly showed the decline of my memory.
But thankfully, with the great help of my neuropsychologist and also the changes of doctors, being finally treated by an epileptologist, I could overcome it. Being treated by an epileptologist instead of just a neurologist has made a huge difference: medications were changed and individualized. Every human being is unique, what works for a patient does not necessarily work for another. If a neurologist is treating you, please look for an epileptologist. Neurologists will rarely do an individualized treatment and a fine-tuning process with medications. The Epilepsy Foundation can help you find an epileptologist in your region, they have a great help line 24/7: https://www.epilepsy.com/247-helpline.
I also recommend having the support of a neuropsychologist or a psychologist. Without the help of my neuropsychologist, I would not have had the strength to overcome this terrible phase I went through and made the necessary changes to have a life with quality again. She did not only help me emotionally, but also helped me to overcome the challenges of my memory loss. I also mention my caring husband, who helped me in this fight of finding the correct doctor and treatment for my epilepsy.
I know at the moment, all seems so difficult for you. But do please not lose hope and look for the help of good professionals and family and friends who can help you.
If I can be of any other help, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Chris (@santosha)
PS: Yesterday I saw a beautiful and very inspiring movie called Shrikanth. It is based on a true story of a visually-impaired person, his challenges and how he overcame them. Here is the link to the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMeuJP5iBWY