@farmboy
Good Morning!
I am so sad to read about how you are feeling.
I know you have had a rough time with the Effexor and getting your meds right and the toll it is taking.
Please know that you are NOT LETTING ANYONE DOWN!
Anxiety and depression are diseases, just like diabetes, heart disease and the thousands of others.
It often takes time to find the right combination of treatments to get the other illnesses under control, and then the life changes needed, too.
Don't think that emotional illnesses are any different, because they are not.
Would you be upset if someone you know or care about has hospital visits, doctor visits, tries lots of different meds and has to change his/her lifestyle in order to get an illness under control?
I am sure you wouldn't.
Then why should you be upset with yourself??
Don't lock out people who care about you, let them in!
If you are feeling so down, maybe a therapist can help.
A therapist can help you not only to manage your illness with different techniques, but also how to live with anxiety and how to accept it.
I hope you find the peace you so well deserve.
Ronnie (GRANDMAr)

You’re not doing any of this on purpose and, when I was at my lowest and couldn’t even force a smile, I always thought “this, too, shall pass.” It will. It will. It will. Meditate. Look into cognitive therapy. I know it’s not that simple, but set yourself up for success. Refuse to give in. Go outside and put your hands in the soil and breathe it in. Turn off the news and listen to 80’s music and stand up straight and breathe. You are not alone. No sugar no alcohol. Breathe deeply.

@farmboy
FarmMan, I can feel you pain heavy tonight. I have been where you are many times.
I want you to hang on right now. I feel waves of pain...you are not alone even if it feels like it right now.
I am with you in the midst of your pain. Together we can do anything, one tiny baby step at a time.
I hold out my hand to you. We can do this together.
I stand with you in this battle!
Bright Wings, Warrior

@farmboy remember how much your dog cares about you and try to see it from their point of view. You're still the human they love. You're sick right now but you're worthy of being loved. Some days all we can do is wait until tomorrow.

And let your girlfriend help. I know you are struggling and no one likes being seen when they're a complete mess. I had to make the difficult call a few times to have someone talk me through a crisis. All I wanted to do was hide and just crawl in a hole forever. But I reached out. I know you can too - you've made it this far.

Also definitely try to schedule an appointment with a talk therapist who can help with panic attacks. You can learn how to manage them better so it's less horrible.