Connect
← Return to Loss of a baby with trisomy 18
Discussion
Loss of a baby with trisomy 18
Loss & Grief | Last Active: Feb 28 12:07am | Replies (5)Comment receiving replies
With deepest sympathy,
Words cannot express the sorrow I feel for your loss. My heart aches for you, and I share in your pain, as I, too, lost a child—Lee Edward—five years ago. I know the depth of this grief, and I want you to know that it’s okay to feel whatever you are feeling. Give yourself all the time you need to grieve.
In my journey, I have found comfort in connecting with others who have experienced the loss of a child. If you ever feel it might help, I encourage you to contact The Compassionate Friends organization. They offer friendship, understanding, and hope to families grieving the loss of a child, grandchild, or sibling. Local chapters are available across the country.
Please know that you are not alone. My heart is with you during this incredibly difficult time.
With deepest sympathy and love, Bill
Replies to "With deepest sympathy, Words cannot express the sorrow I feel for your loss. My heart aches..."
Connect
Dear @kyle41,
Words, as sincere as they may be, are hollow and inadequate at this most difficult time that you’re experiencing. You, your wife, and your other son have suffered a tremendous and unspeakable loss, and I offer my condolences to you and your entire family. I have not lost a baby, so I cannot even begin to imagine the depths of what you are going through. But my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry that you’re feeling this horrific pain and deep loss, and that you’re dealing with a new reality that you did not want, ask for, or need.
Everyone grieves differently and in their own way. But I assure you that everything you and your wife are currently feeling is normal. So, don’t hesitate to embrace and express your feelings however and whenever you need to. Grief is a process. So, take all the time you need to grieve and mourn; and take it one day at a time.
Despite how helpless you’ve felt, you and your wife fought hard and did all you could for your son. So, do not blame or second guess yourself. We all wish that there had been a better outcome, but this was beyond your control.
This can be a lonely time for you because people who mourn with you do tend to quickly move on. But you are not alone. Although there’s nothing that anyone can say or do to change or reverse this situation, or ease your pain, people do care. You may not believe it, and you may not even want to hear it right now (I can understand that), but, over time, your pain will become less intense, and it will get easier for you to feel more like your normal self.
It may take some time, but if or when you feel up to it, I hope you and your wife will consider joining a grief support group. These groups can be very helpful. Also helpful is counsel from your faith or spiritual leader, if you have one, and/or a therapist who can help you to work through your grief. I also hope that you will be comforted by the outpouring of love and support from family and friends. I am so glad to hear that you and your wife are helping each other as best you can. That is so important. Your other son will also be grieving in his own way and will need all the strength and support that the two of you can give him.
In the meantime, you have a family of friends here on Mayo Connect who care about you, support you, and grieve with you. And many are praying for you. We are here for you. Please remember that, and feel free to reach out to us if and as you need to. Wishing you strength, comfort, and peace.
Here is the link to a document that you might find helpful. It’s called The Mourner’s Bill of Rights.
https://www.centerforloss.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/MBR.pdf