Yes Claudia it is Rick and I am in a very similar predicament. I am trying to overcome what I think is severe neurological damage that has me trapped and I am very frightened that I won't be able to overcome it at my age and because I am still using Clonezepam which plays a large part in having brought on further brain damage. What I will write is not me playing the victim it's simply the truth. My early childhood was extremely
abusive and I think that I had serious psychological and emotional problems in childhood and adolescence. My adolescence involved serious alcoholism which probably led to my first mental breakdown at 24. I wasn't drinking at the time and was completely confused about the devastating breakdown. I now think that due to the absence of the alcohol and a stressful environment my brain spiraled into a most serious depression probably largely due to the damage I caused it with my heavy adolescent and early adulthood alcoholism. I did completely stop and have remained stopped since 26.
I have had numerous mental breakdowns at different periods which were incredibly debilitating like the one I have now. I didn't drink through them but I was prescribed psychiatric medications that I believe caused more brain damage. Life's events as for all of us like loss of loved ones, illness, etc. can be crushing. 2016 my mother passed and I am left with an older sister who is also afflicted with many health issues and we support each other and love each other very much.
I no longer get the relief I did for years from Clonezepam; it barely helps at all. I'm experiencing the same complete loss of appetite as you mentioned. My brain chemistry and neuron damage now has me in a constant state of deep depression, severe anxiety coming from damage in my brain and severe insomnia which I don't know if I will be able to resolve with what's left in my life span. I feel doomed. I still try to do something each day but it's very difficult for me because I am so uncomfortable. I haven't slept for 5 days now. I have severe tinnitus ringing constantly and digestive problems as well as blood pressure problems because I am so disregulated in my entire body in all its systems. I can't think it away or walk it away. It's just got me completely trapped now in the grips of being overwhelmingly disregulated and I feel it will break me down and I won't survive it because my body will give out in some way. I have found no answers and I feel like I am past the point of no return and I am so sad, regretful, unhappy but I have a good heart and still have good cognitive function so I reach out to fellow sufferers not to complain but to connect to say you're not alone in your tremendous suffering. I understand and empathize because I too am in a terrible condition with constant extreme suffering. I won't ever take my own life but I can't even put into words my deep inner despair. At night while I am not sleeping I just repeat prayers over and over and hope that GOD will somehow help us all.🙏