I understand your grief and hopelessness. I found my partner, of 27 years, 12/18/23, dead from alcoholism. I got sober 12/16/17 and had moved out of our house because he could not get sober. It has been the most brutal and painful experience I have ever felt. I just moved back into the house January 1st of this year and I am living with the good memories and the bad memories daily. I miss him terribly. He just could not stop drinking. I know that he would want me to carry on and stay sober. I wake up every morning and ask for help from the Universe (my higher power) and the strength to stay in the moment and do what is in front of me. I have been in and of sobriety from the age of 14 years old. I am in therapy for trauma and I recently started an antidepressant to get me out of the hole. Some days are better than others, but I am grateful, albeit, not all the time. I just wanted to let you know that the fact that you are sober is a miracle, me too, and it helps me to focus on the moment. The pain is still very deep, but I try not to stay in it. Hang in there.