Sorry you're having a hard time. I'm kinda in the same boat, in that constant leaking dominated my thoughts and days.
How long since you had surgery?
It's important to note that everyone is different & everyone's experience may be similar in some respects, but rarely the same. Some of us have longer-lasting side effects & some don't.

In terms of nerve-sparing, it's not just the skill of the surgeon.
The whole point of slicing us open in the first place is to get rid of the cancer.
And if the cancer has creeped towards the nerves (one or both sides) - or if it's found it's way to nearby lymph nodes - they have to go, in order to potentially save our lives.

Same thing... some of us are lucky & some are not. My surgery report said no lymph nodes were involved & both nerve bundles were retained.
No idea if the nerve thing is true. Erections are a distant memory & in terms of the 'penile rehabilitation' things we're supposed to be doing, I can't even touch the thing cause it's constantly covered in pee. What are we supposed to do? Wear gloves?

In terms of your long-term outcome, ask the experts who trained for years on this stuff, rather than that internal voice that's telling you that things will never improve.
I'm still struggling with incontinence 5 months on, but I'm not letting my stupid brain tell me that life is over.