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The unexpected loss of a loved one can bring up feelings of loss, grief, anger, confusion and more. Friends and family of the grieving person may not know how to help. We discuss these feelings and dynamics in our latest episode, "Coping with grief and unanswerable questions after suicide." Listen anywhere you get your podcasts.
Episode summary:
When someone dies by suicide, their loved ones are often left asking questions like “How could this have happened?” The protagonist in Onyi Nwabineli’s debut novel “Someday, Maybe,” wrestles with these questions after the untimely death of husband. Onyi and Mayo Clinic psychologist Dr. Craig Sawchuk discuss processing grief, loss and guilt – and the importance of showing up and supporting those who are grieving.
For immediate help
If you're feeling overwhelmed by thoughts of not wanting to live or you're having urges to attempt suicide, get help now.
- Call a suicide hotline.
- In the U.S., call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Or use the Lifeline Chat at 988lifeline.org/chat/. Services are free and confidential.
- If you’re a U.S. veteran or service member in crisis, call 988 and then press 1, or text 838255. Or chat using veteranscrisisline.net/get-help-now/chat/.
- The Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the U.S. has a Spanish language phone line at 1-888-628-9454.
- Call 911 in the U.S. or your local emergency number immediately.
We talked about:
In this episode, Dr. Millstine and her guests discuss:
- Every experience of grief is unique. There is often an expectation that those who are grieving should rebound quickly from grief and los, but grief is not linear and can re-emerge throughout life.
- Wanting answers. When we are faced with an unexpected loss, we have a desire to understand why it happened and reach closure. But this is often not possible. Instead, healing is often involves learn how to handle the uncertainty and unanswered questions.
Questions for discussion:
- Have you experienced an unexpected loss? What (or who) helped you in your journey through grief?
Share your thoughts, questions and opinions below!
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My grandmother was murdered when I was 19 directly as a result of her doing a good deed for the person who stole her life. My mother died within 30 days of diagnosis of small cell lung cancer. Grief for what they lost. Grief for my own loss. Running in nature focussing on my breath and body moving, then opening up to my surroundings once I was calm, was my salvation. I read so many wonderful books. Focussing heavily on the here and now was my biggest relief (Eckhart Tolle - The Power of Niw). There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about and deeply miss both my grandmother and especially my mother. I can now live more comfortably with the pain and the big hole inside me has gotten much smaller. By living well I honour them ❤️🩹🙏❤️🩹🙏
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1 ReactionWhat challenges you have faced. It’s inspiring that you have found comfort running in nature, focusing on breath, and reading, as an outlet for your grief. You never know when grief will surface and it’s helpful to know how to cope when it does. Outstanding!
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2 Reactions@readtalkgrowpodcast You’re so right. The lessons I learned grieving for my grandmother were in my toolkit when my mother was ill then passed away some years later. Still extremely painful but this time around I had tools.
When I was diagnosed in 2021 with stage 4 appendix cancer some years after my mother passed I was amazingly calm. I had the tools ready. They worked again.
I’ve been 3 years now in remission. I also learnt during the years of grieving my grandmother and mother not to waste time. It has always helped in some way thinking what full lives both my grandmother and my mother had lived. One day I’ll be told my cancer is back. Hopefully we’ll win again. It helped me move forward as I don’t want to put off things in case I don’t get to do them.
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1 ReactionThank you for sharing your journey and what you have learned. Embracing life and not putting things off is a great lesson for all of us to keep in mind. It is easy to get distracted. I love that you have found a calmness and was able to call upon when you needed it most. You inspire me.