@denisestlouie Your post made me cry. As did those of others on here who understand and have shared your depth of anger. As a starting point, I am in awe of how you all own it and can voice it. That emotional investigation (while unresolved yet in your case) is so powerful and important.

The mind is a funny thing - layers upon confusing layers with a multitude of experiences and personal takeaways from those experiences! Often deeply embedded and tangled.

We spend so much time looking into other people’s mental issues without getting to recognise, understand and work on our own!!! I applaud you and others for the work you’ve done not just to examine what’s going on but also doing positive stuff, including in your case looking after your health and giving up on alcohol. Not at all easy but you’ve done it. Those steps show an immense strength of character you may not appreciate about yourself.

I like you (I’ve read not just this post but many of your other comments). I hope you can find books, podcasts etc that work for YOU and help you like yourself. Therapy is not one size fits all. When my mother died suddenly my original family imploded. So much anger directed at me by my siblings (my mother made me her executor and left me her much loved rings she was wearing when she passed). Therapy to steady my own ship was amazing - but I got exactly the right therapist for me through a friend’s recommendation.

Please keep pushing forward and sharing 🙏❤️‍🩹