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Moving

Posted by Barb @amberpep, Feb 16 1:42pm

About 7 years ago I moved from one state to another, to be closer to my kids, as I'm getting older. Since then I still have not been able to adjust to my new home ..... a senior apartment. I left everything behind I loved ... our house (later my own condo), my church, my friends, and a city I knew like the back of my hand. I have 3 kids down here (all in their 40's and one in her 50's) and when I try to say anything to them they just say, "oh Mom you're fine." I'm not one to speak up, but inside it feels like they are just blowing me off. Yet, I know there's nothing I or anyone can do about it. The apartment bldg. in which I live is full of all sorts of people - some who should be in Assisted Living and some even in Nursing Homes - it's depressing. I no longer have a car as a young man ran into the front of my car in a dug-induced state and totaled it. I don't know whether, at 80 I should get another one or not. I feel alone and useless and like "my time is up." No car = I can't get out freely, and I only see 1 of my kids once a week. The other 2 - rarely. Sorry for the self-pity, but I am so very sorry I left my home. Thanks for listening. Barb

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dorothy1914 | @dorothy1914 | Feb 20 12:05am
In reply to @dorothy1914 "To @raebaby My sincere condolences on your husband’s passing. Do you mind if I ask you..." + (show)
@dorothy1914

To @raebaby
My sincere condolences on your husband’s passing. Do you mind if I ask you how old he was when he passed. I know my husband’s illness is adding to my anxiety as I don’t know what I will do if he predeceases me. We were shocked when he was diagnosed. It’s very difficult for my husband to get appointments with his neurologist as she is highly sought out. You are very lucky to have children. I am fearful my anxiety will never go away. Thank you so much for responding to my post.

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To @raebaby
I tried to Private message you but I couldn’t figure out how. If you would agree to this, do you know how to do it?

REPLY
raebaby | @raebaby | Feb 20 12:41am

Yes, private messaging is fine. I don't know how to do it either. If we don't figure it out i can give you my email address.

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raebaby | @raebaby | Feb 20 12:44am

My husband was 80 when he passed, . We were married for 58 years. Looking back I can see he had the signs of Parkinson's even on our honeymoon with REM Sleep disorder. I have lots of stories about his neurologists.

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edsutton | @edsutton | Feb 20 8:40am
In reply to @raebaby "I can really feel for you. My husband died with Parkinson's and the help you must..." + (show)
@raebaby

I can really feel for you. My husband died with Parkinson's and the help you must have to give him on top of being so anxious has to be awful. I have PTSD from the last time I was driving down a highway and suddenly I couldn't feel the brake. I poked along for 8 miles with everyone honking at me. I was afraid to pull over as I was afraid I'd crash into a ditch. I finally got to my daughter's house. I never drove again.
I have2 cats and my son stays with me often. Other than that, I live alone out in the country.

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Raebaby-
Could you tell us a bit more about your loss of sensation in your foot?
Did it happen with no warning or was there a gradual loss? It might help others to know what to look out for.
Thank you!
You wrote:
"I was driving down a highway and suddenly I couldn't feel the brake...."

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raebaby | @raebaby | Feb 20 1:59pm

I developed peripheral neuropathy in my feet from chemo I had for breast cancer at age 79. As I drove to my radiation appointments I noticed more and more how uncomfortable I was driving. Then that one fateful day I couldn't drive at all. I was thrown into a totally horrible situation. I had one more experience before that one when I suddenly couldn't stop when pulling into a diagonal slot. My foot was dead. I had taken an Aleve so I thought maybe that caused it.
I think the numbness just built up over time until that last experience. Now I can back the car out of the garage to clean the floor but I drive back in by doing it with the emergency brake on.
If my car was a stick, I think I might be able to drive it a little as I could slow it down.

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luhn | @luhn | Feb 20 10:02pm

All the reading about aging states that isolation and feelings of being alone and disconnected are hard on our health. 🙁 I'm sorry you haven't been able to find a "connection" in your new surroundings. I haven't made the move yet that you have, but I think about its possibility every day and wonder if I would survive it. Is there a church near by with a strong senior ministry? or a senior center you could plug into? Some are very good and find many fun things for seniors to do, some not so much. I often think of returning to live where I grew up but you know, my friends there are older, like me, and well death comes like a thief in the night sometimes. There is no guarantee those friends would be around for long. And last year I lost my brother and my sister a few years before; I'm the only one remaining in my family of origin. And have no children. Feel very vulnerable often. I think it is good you are near your children; while they don't visit often now, when you need them I hope because you are close geographically that will help them to plug into your needs more. A friend who lived to be 98 but has since gone on to be with the Lord told me it was important to stay "flexible" as we age...not just physically, but also in our ability to adjust to change. Easier said than done, I know. Glad you reached out and I hope and pray you find some new connections as well as maybe ways to stay in touch with old friends?... (technology has made distance "shrink" with zoom, messenger, chat, etc..) Many blessings.

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