I truly understand that condition with anxiety, panic, insomnia, depression and everything you explained because I have lived it and currently live it. I know you're not exaggerating and people can misinterpret seeing a person lying in bed under the covers with their eyes either closed or with an eye mask on thinking they're asleep while in truth that person could be just trying to maintain as calm as possible while they endure the sleeplessness which then this insomnia leaves us even more disregulated with myriad symptoms day after day barely surviving it. I have been through it in about 10 episodes of varying
duration since my first one at 24 and at different points up to this present episode at near 62. Somehow I try to not lose my mind with symptoms literally minute by minute. I am convinced that in my case it's due to early childhood trauma and a series of other childhood, adolescent and adulthood traumas that my basic characteristics as a human being were not and are not capable of coping with properly. Parents divorced when I finished 8th grade never showed much love to each other, father died suddenly when I graduated high school. I resorted back then in my adolescence to heavy alcohol and some substance use not much but some and I understand the reasons now. I've dealt with gambling addiction in my life that was ruinous as well as severe chronic episodic mental illness mainly intractable depression with anxiety and insomnia. Unfortunately, now I am certain that a medication that was introduced to me legitimately by doctors for anxiety Clonezepam (Klonopin) has over time taken mainly as prescribed has altered my brain and is causing the very same anxiety as well as other symptoms it was prescribed to alleviate. I'm very frightened for the future of being cut off of this medication as it is being prescribed less and less because of the now known dangers of long-term use and the consequences of protracted acute withdrawal syndrome that can and often does afflict patients on this type of medication long-term legitimately who either wean off or can no longer be prescribed and get cut off. It's an unimaginable nightmare that many have faced and are facing which I may face also in the future. I feel like I've been blindsided by all these realities in my life and it's day by day overwhelming. I want to pull myself together and get back to living a normal life as I have so many times in my life but I find I just want to lie in bed as comfortable as possible as I suffer through the daily nightmare with anxiety, much insomnia and depression and fear I love with barely coping like an injured, cornered, trapped animal just staying alive in a constant state of torment.
I completely understand the difficulties and struggles you mention and I validate them truly. I pray to a GOD that I don't understand for all of us suffering in so many ways and you are also in those prayers. After so much suffering I comprehend and empathize with other sufferers.
I finally slept last night well. For me it seems like I get one night of sleep either for a few hours or a full night every other day. It's very hard. Of course, I pray that you will somehow manage to get sleep whenever you can and get relief somehow from your anxiety as well🙏